(Ft. Worth, TX, USA)

aubreyturner.org

What the heck?

Thursday, September 03, 2009

A Plea On Naming

Please, people, stop naming your girls Aubrey. 

As noted in the above linked Wikipedia entry, it’s a traditionally male name that, unfortunately, is also used for girls in the United States. 

Of Teutonic origin, “Aubrey” means “Fair Ruler of the Little People”, or “King of the Elves” [1]. The name Alberich is a more common Germanic variant, with the syllable ‘Alb’ translating as “Elf” and ‘Ric’ representing “power”. In the twelfth century, a Christian saint and abbot named St. Aubrey founded the Cistercian Order, seeking to operate under the Rule of St. Benedict, continuing Benedict of Nursia’s tradition of solitary scholarship in a community of monasticism.

The name is traditionally male, but is also used as a feminine name in the United States. It was the 69th most popular name given to girls born in the United States in 2007. It was last ranked among the top 1,000 most common names for boys in the United States in 2002. It was the 479th most common name for all males in the United States in the 1990 census.[2] “Aubrey” can also be spelled “Aubre”,or “Aubrie”.

It’s not too late to stop, though.  If we stop the madness now, in a generation or two things will be less confusing for those who come after us.

It will also mean I don’t have to share a name with a complete and total moron.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

What Were They Thinking?

I was in the store last night and did a double-take when I saw a pallet of “Old Yeller” brand dog food.  It seems to me naming a brand of dog food for a dog that gets rabies and has to be shot would lead to unfortunate associations in the minds of buyers.  At least it does so for me.  I must not be the norm, though, as some Google searching shows that the brand has been around since 2005.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Smooth Operator

In keeping with my affinity for strange remakes, here’s Señor Coconut doing his version of Smooth Operator:

And to cleanse your musical palate, here’s the original: Sade - Smooth Operator

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Bigger In Texas

People always say that things are bigger in Texas, and this woman seems hell-bent on living up to expectations. 

A woman from Texas has reportedly undergone nine breast enlargement operations to become the proud owner of the world’s largest breast implants — size 38KKK.

American doctors had refused to carry out any more operations on Sheyla Hershey, 28, when her breasts were a staggering 34FFF, but that didn’t stop her from going under the knife for the record breaking surgery.

“To me, big is beautiful. I don’t think I have anything to worry about,” the Houston-resident said.

Still determined to increase her bustline, Hershey jetted off to Brazil where there are no limits on the size of implants.

The surgery required a full gallon of silicone.

I can’t help but think that there’s something subtly wrong with her judgment.  Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see the appeal.  It looks like she had a couple of basketballs grafted to her chest.  Sometimes bigger isn’t better.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Area of Concern

A couple of days ago Rachel Lucas posted about some concerns with a trapped raccoon.  Specifically, raccoons are some nasty, mean, little buggers.  Obviously, someone forgot to clue this guy into that fact:

A FEISTY raccoon has bitten off a pervert’s PENIS as he was trying to rape the animal.

Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified – but toothy – fur ball.

“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.

Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.

“He’s been told they can get things working again but they can’t sew back on what the raccoon bit off,” said a pal.

“That’s gone forever so there isn’t going to be much for them to work with.”

Painful, but poetic, justice.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

How To Know You’ve Had A Few Too Many

If you have to rely on the police report to find out what happened, you’ve probably had too much to drink:

“I don’t know what happened,” Feldman told the Register. “But I don’t deny that it did happen, because, obviously, there are police reports.”

So what did happen?

University police cited Feldman and Ross M. Walsh, 26, of Linden, Iowa, for indecent conduct.

Feldman said she had never met Walsh.

“I don’t know who this man is,” she told the Register. “I just found out his name in the paper.”

A security guard discovered the two having sex in a handicapped stall in a men’s room, police said. Police were summoned, and they interrupted the two.

Walsh was released to his girlfriend and Feldman to her husband, police said.

I suppose finding out the other party’s name in the newspaper would be a second indicator that you’d had too much to drink.  And that must have been one heck of a ride home…

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Rude Awakening

I was flipping through the Tivo guide over the weekend and saw the title The Whale that Exploded on NGC-HD and decided that with a name like that I just had to watch it, so I set the Tivo to record it for later viewing. I finally got around to watching it last night. It details the circumstances of a 50-ton sperm whale that exploded in a Taiwanese city in January, 2004.

Here's a picture of the scene (the whale's back "blew out," sending blood and intestines flying behind the truck):

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Ultimately, this turned out to be due to a combination of an injury to the whale and natural decomposition. What I found amusing (in a grim sort of way) was that there was a man "sleeping off a late night" in the white car:

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Just imagine that you're sleeping off a bender in your car. You are out cold when all of sudden BOOM!   SPLAT! you wake to find a bloody mess on and around your car and a stench that one witness described as like "a thousand dead fishes." Talk about a rude awakening!

Friday, November 07, 2008

Amazing New Product!

I saw this ad over at Rachel Lucas's blog today:

I couldn't help but think that not only did this product cause her to lose 12 pounds, but it made her go from black to white. Truly an amazing feat!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Odd…

I once was told that I sounded like a radio announcer on a conference call, but today someone said I sounded like Gary Sinise.  I would have never thought of that, although frankly I couldn’t tell you one way or the other, since I’m trapped in here with my own voice and it never sounds the same from the inside as it does outside.  Of course, with all of the fungus and ragweed in the air lately there’s no telling what kind of voice will come out when I open my mouth to speak.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

The Big Giant Head

I’m currently ensconced in a hotel in Kearney, MO for the evening and plan to complete my trip tomorrow.  I drove up through Gilmer and East Texas into Oklahoma and Missouri (here’s the route). 

The Indian Nation Turnpike was nice and scenic (not to mention fast at 75MPH and with very little traffic), but by far the most interesting site of the day was the giant Bo Pilgrim head just outside of Pittsburg, TX.  You absolutely must click that link to see the picture.  There is no description I could give it that would do it justice, other than to say that it’s even more creepy in real life.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

In The Strangest Places

Everything counts in large amounts.—Depeche Mode

I was on a conference call this morning where a director-level executive was giving a presentation and I was kind of surprised when he included the above quote.  Pop culture is infusing itself into the strangest places these days.

And for those of us who survived the 80’s, here’s the video:

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Not While I’m Around!

A student teacher in St. Cloud, MN has left a training program at a local high school because some scum sucking student threatened to kill his service dog:

A St. Cloud State University student in a teacher-training program at Technical High School left the school in late April because he says he feared for the safety of his service dog.

The school district calls it a misunderstanding, and officials there say they hoped Tyler Hurd, a 23-year-old junior from Mahtomedi who aspires to teach special education, would continue his training in the district.

Hurd said a student threatened to kill his service dog named Emmitt. (emphasis added)  The black lab is trained to protect Hurd when he has seizures.
...
The threat came from a Somali student who is Muslim (emphasis added), according to Hurd, St. Cloud State and school district officials.

The Muslim faith, which is the dominant faith of Somali immigrants, forbids the touching of dogs.

To be honest, I like dogs more than I do most people.  Regardless, though, this sort of thing is simply unacceptable in our secular society.  I don’t give a rat’s ass about his religion and what he thinks of dogs.  It’s not acceptable to harm a dog or even to threaten to do so.  My immediate reaction if this had been one of my dogs would have been to tell this scum sucking piece of crap that I’d gut him like a fish if he so much as looked cross-eyed at either of them.

I’ve always thought that how a person reacts to dogs tells you a lot about their character.  In this case, I can think nothing good about someone who would threaten to kill a dog because of religion.  Such a person does not belong in America…

And now, to alleviate the bad taste left by that article, and to lower my blood pressure, I give you dog pictures…

Via Rachel Lucas.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Too High… Can’t Breathe….

As someone with acrophobia, this video was almost as bad as actually being there:

In fact, I had to stop when the cameraman walked across the pipe.  Perhaps one of you can watch and tell me how it ends…

Via Xavier.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Don’t wanna wind up dead or bald…

The inside of my head is a strange and mysterious place, and sometimes I surprise myself by what may pop up, unbidden, from the murky depths.  Today, out of the blue, the song “Mr. Custer” popped in.  I have no idea what triggered it, but now it’s stuck in my head.

I went looking on YouTube for a copy to share, and eventually found this one.  But if you should search YouTube, don’t pick the first copy unless you want to get subjected to anti-Bush/anti-war propaganda (i.e. some dingleberry hijacked this song to make a point about “stay[ing] the course”).

Friday, February 29, 2008

Irregularly Folded Feminine Undergarments

I occasionally get forwarded emails about things that just aren’t so (imagine that!).  The latest was one that said you should refuse acceptance of the new $1 Presidential coin because it omitted the phrase “In God We Trust.” 

It turns out that a few seconds of research (i.e. looking at the U.S. Mint’s website) would show this to be untrue.

Instead of being on the front or back, they’ve “incused” the phrase on the edge.  I suppose, in fairness, I should mention that some coins were initially released without the lettering on the edges.  But this was simply the result of a mistake, not some sinister conspiracy to remove God from the United States.

Of course, there are other valid reasons to not want a dollar coin.  I don’t know about this new coin, since I haven’t held one, but it will have to be significantly different from the old dollar coin (which was easily mistaken for a quarter by feel) before I’d accept it.  And I don’t particularly like having a ton of change in my pocket.  Dollar bills are convenient and light in weight.  And I don’t know if it’s just me, but the George Washington coin is kind of creepy. 

Anyhow, the whole “In God We Trust” non-issue is definitely no reason to get your panties in a wad.